We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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