I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
