I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
