Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
