just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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