Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
