so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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