hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
