Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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