Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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