I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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