if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
