Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Randomize
