She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
