I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
