do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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