Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
