Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
