I want to make a zoo with you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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