xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
