My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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