so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
handjob tips. give me some.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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