Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
