i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
