This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
