my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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