There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
