a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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