I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
