Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Too much gin, very little bucket
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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