I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
