Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
