turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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