I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
