i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have already put on my inside pants.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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