I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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