2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
