I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
