sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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