belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
