He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just googled if crying burns calories
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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