Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
