I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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