I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
