It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
