Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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