So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
