i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
