How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
