I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
