I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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