I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
