its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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